Monday, April 9, 2012

Does my bum look big in this clutter?

I owe the wisdom of this post to my beautiful Ange, who only has to open her mouth briefly to spout forth unexpected and perfectly timed words of wisdom and nourishment (I love you, Goddess!). So, last week's week of nourishment turned into a week superbly hijacked by Fatty McFatty, who I am going to call my 'inner fat demon' (yes, student husband dear, those demons are indeed pesky :P).

The week started well, I got up early every morning to go to yoga. Trust me I was surprised too, if you know me well you know that I 'don't do mornings'. Even my boss knows not to plan 9 am meetings where I need to be 'en forme'. In fact my last boss, when I told her I wanted to start taking advantage of rostered days off by coming in an hour early every day, actually laughed at me. Anyhoo, you know I was having a tough week last week. I'd had terrible days where I was eating way too much, an old bad habit that I've used as a coping mechanism for way too long. After adding in the early morning yoga, which seemed to kick-start my metabolism and have me hungry all day, I was pretty much on the 'seefood diet' last week, you know, where you see food and eat it? This was very poorly timed with the disproportionate amount of baking and social functions that went on in our office last week and let's just say that my inner fat demon was very happy. To the point where there was no way I was going to weigh myself.

I was stressed out all week and couldn't stop eating and just kept focusing on the Easter break as the time when I would get my head straight and get back into control again. Seriously, I was so bad during the week that both my Mum and my brother told me I was just using stress as an excuse to eat (shock, horror!), to which I replied, 'but I can't stop. If I could I would but I can't.' It all culminated by the end of the week with me actually having a cry out the front of work on the phone to my brother (for some reason I always cry when I talk to him), and a big outpouring of all the emotion I'd obviously been hanging on to for the last couple of weeks. Luckily for me, he will be here in 4 more sleeps to hug me (no doubt I will cry, ha ha!).

Anyhoo, I realised today that my bum was indeed looking big in my clutter. Ange was telling me about a book ages ago, with a similar title, about decluttering and the effect of clutter on your health, weight, etc... I totally got it at the time and thought the whole concept was fabulous (the premise being that if you declutter your house and pantry and life in general, you will eat less junk). I didn't do this intentionally but I realised that this occurred simultaneously to me sorting my shit out this weekend (sorry for swearing, Daddy).

This weekend I got on top of a whole pile of things that I'd had floating around in my head due to my hectic past few weeks. I cleaned my house, I have been working non-stop all Easter on my study and I have got my schedule clear in my diary of what I need to do when for uni. It ain't pretty, but now I know what I'm up for. And I think that was the whole problem. Not having it clear in my head what I needed to do. My bum was looking big in the clutter of my head. It was so messed up in there that I was eating to cope with it. Good Friday I started to study and I still ate more than I planned to but it was drastically better than during the week. Saturday I started back on Cohen's and went out and got a HUGE task done that had been hanging over me for at least a month, and Saturday arvo and all day Sunday I studied. This morning I got my schedule straight and that's when a sense of relief hit me. I am officially decluttered. Hilariously, my clean house keeps getting messy again each day (I've been doing too much washing) but I've been making myself tidy each night. It's like I've been wrestling with it all weekend. Hopefully by the time my beautiful Jacquie arrives for a visit (from Canada!) on Wednesday it will be finished. But funnily enough, I've stuck to my Cohen's diet for (almost) 3 days, and my house was the cleanest it had ever been when I did Cohen's last year.

So my enormous lesson out of all this is not to let my head get so cluttered ever again. Because yes, my butt does look big in this clutter.

Happy Easter everyone!

M. x

P.S - I ate all my sugar-free Easter chocolates (spread over the week, not all at once - no thanks to Fatty McFatty) without taking a photo of them (wtf??? I was clearly in a strange place not to take a photo at least), so I'll post the recipe next time I make them again.

P.P.S - My stress doesn't seem to have affected Bella, who I busted taking an afternoon snooze on my computer chair this arvo. And yes, that's a jumper she is wearing. It's cold here and she had a haircut last week, so she is all bald and funny. :)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

A week of nourishment...

"Life is most froth and bubble, but two things stand like a stone; kindness in another's trouble and courage in your own."

Princess Diana said that. My Nana used to love Princess Diana. My Nana was a smart lady!!!

I thought it was a perfect quote for this week because I have been in struggletown for a few weeks now. And it's going to take a whole lot of courage to keep myself from ending up in a heap on the floor. Work has been crazy with the culmination of almost a years worth of work coming to fruition last week. We're not quite 'there yet' and I expect the madness to last another month, but work has stepped up about 50 notches in the past few weeks.

Then there is study. Did I tell you I am going back to uni?? *insert gun to head picture here* ... Well, I am. Despite already having done honours (and a PhD) before, I have done an about-face and decided to go back and study honours in Psychology. Which means I have to write another thesis. *insert another gun to head picture here* ...

I had a reality check during the week (ie. an almost-mental breakdown) when it struck me the sheer volume of work I am going to have to do this year. I mean I already knew, I had called my last honours year, 'my year of hell' for several years. Jacquie - I'm sure you'll back me up there! Boy was it tough. And yet something made me think I could attempt it again, whilst working full time at the same time. *INSERT HUMONGOUS FREAKING GUN TO HEAD PICTURE HERE*

Anyhoo. I had a crisis. I kicked. I screamed. Then I called my Mum. In true Mummy fashion, she had me sorted out in no time. The truth is, I'd be silly not to do this. I've always wanted to be a psychologist and I've somehow managed to scam my way into honours when (a) I practically failed my degree (hmmm... this sounds like last time!!) and (b) my degree is now 11 years old and technically you only have 10 years in which to continue on before having to repeat it! Not to mention the fact that nobody else would even let me in to do the course because of my terrible marks and they are letting me do it for around $6,000 - everywhere else I'd have to do the $14-$15,000 Graduate Diploma version. So, I've had to suck it up and get on with it. But it's been hard.

I've buried my head in the sand a bit. I just can't talk to people about my problems when I am experiencing them. It's like I am being drained by the problems already and I can't afford to divert any more energy into them by talking or writing about them. Except to my Mum, who seems to not fit into the conventional pile, and who I ring almost every day for a bit of nourishment. (Poor Mum - although I think even she got a few days off last week). I've had a pile of emails I haven't answered and a whole pile of friends I've been neglecting. I found an email that my student husband wrote to me that I hadn't responded to for about 2 weeks, a beautiful email from my Aunt that I hadn't answered and texts from my bestie saying, 'are you ok???? I haven't heard from you all week!!!' Then there is the lovely Mrs Majstorovic that I've been meaning to call for about a month. Sigh. And she's not the only one!

So this week is going to be all about nourishment. I've signed up for an intensive yoga class for the week. Slightly insane plan in that the classes start at 6:30 am and I don't normally get out of bed until 8 am (and even then I am tired - I hate mornings), but I love yoga and I think it will set me up well for the week. Hopefully it isn't too bad given daylight savings mean that I can tell myself class really starts at 7:30 am...

And as for food! Well, all I want to do is eat all of the things I shouldn't. And sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't. But this week I'm going to focus on nourishment and not eating sugar. Speaking of which, I made some amazing sugar free 'chocolate'. Perfect for Easter. Will post a recipe during the week. :)

Hope you have a fabulous week and may you all have courage in the face of trouble, and kindness in the face of others' trouble.

M. x

P.S - Speaking of nourishment, that chicken soup was made from scratch and with my own chicken stock. Exquisitely nourishing.